Product Spotlight: The Night Bunion Regulator!

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The Night Bunion Regulator from FootSmart is the leading product in the competitive field of bunion regulation.

Dr. Kalvin Flavors started Footsmart technologies in 1943 out of a disused silo in rural Sopjaw, Idaho. Using assorted sticks and animal parts available to him via proximity, he perfected certain “stretching” and “holding” techniques to fashion a new kind shoe he called The Funion Bunion Sole Stretch Footwear Experience or F.B.S.S.F.E. which was commonly referred to as Fuhbuhsehsehfehee.  In fact, all the kids were saying it on the school yard. It was the number one gift for both dads and grads in the spring of ’44 and Roy Rogers scored a novelty hit with “These Dogs Are Barkin’ (and They’re Singin’ Bout Fuhbuhsehsehfehee)”

When Kalvin’s son Horg inherited the company in the wake of his father’s tragic silo accident, he famously said in an issue of Parade Magazine, “The Fuhbuhsehsehfehee is like a delicious banana ham bake but without the saucy gravy. I aim to bring the gravy back to bunion care.” Sure, the Fuhbuhsehsehfehee was successful but it also had certain drawbacks. Firstly, the sorry bunion sufferer needed to wear the boot for 23 hours a day coupled with bedrest. Further, all the sinew and tendon involved in their construction caused an awful stink after a few days.  Horg knew he needed to refine the formula.

Unfortunately, he had enjoyed a big meal before the interview and was thus a tired fella. So for years those beset by bunion pain dealt with that awful one-two punch of bedsores and tendonstench.  Luckily his daughter Clemclem came to the rescue with innovative thinking. In a backyard meeting with Footsmart shareholders, she tripped over a stray pile of rubber bands and other competing bunion relief products and had an epiphany. She thought, “What if we used rubber bands rather than tendons? And what if I stole ideas from ToeCo, Collective Sole and Sugarfeets?”  The first idea turned out to be a revolution, further refining her grandfather’s boot technology and ushering in the modern Night Bunion Regulator. The second idea, unfortunately, landed her in Hot Water.  That’s right, did you know that a prominent member of the Flavors family is interred at Hot Water, Georgia Correctional Facility to this very day? It’s true!

But what about the name? Well, in 1994 Clemclem’s son Warren G Flavors was at the peak of a successful career in the field of rap music. Though previously he’d found success in the hip hop supergroup 213, he was looking for a crossover hit. He found himself sharing a submarine sandwich with his friend Nate Dogg and trying to come up with a hook for his new song “Unnamed G Funk Era Single.”  At this point Nate Dogg , mouth full of Italian BMT, said, “Hey Warren, what’s that thing your great grandpa invented for feet? It does something to bunions, right?”  Warren said, “Well yeah Nate. It regulates them….regulate…hmmmm.”

And from that moment on, bunion history was made. Bunions had truly entered a funked out era and had become funked out with a gangster twist!

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